It Hits Home

It Hits Home

Alli McCraw, Features Editor

Sometimes life hits you unexpectedly, in some of the worst ways possible. There comes a point in life where nothing goes right. No matter what you do, it’s never enough. The simplest thing can happen to you, and it just makes you want to give up and fall down. You come to a point where you have no choice but to give up the front you’ve been putting on for the world and just break down and cry. You’ll feel like the weakest person in the world. You feel alone. But you’re not alone. We’ve all been there.

You hold onto a person for so long because you see all the good in them. Of course, you see the bad, too, but the good outweighs the bad by numbers. You see everything they are, everything they could be, and look at them like they’re the most perfect person in the world because they were your person. You don’t want to start over with somebody else because they don’t know you. They don’t know your deepest secrets, your favorite foods, or what makes you laugh. You get so scared to give up because you don’t ever think that anyone will ever make you feel the way you did when you were with that one person. When you were together, it was great. But when it was bad, it broke you down. They treat you like you don’t matter, like you’re not good enough. My goodness, you’ve never been good enough. He can go out with that other girl and look like he’s having the time of his life, and you’re sitting at home crying your eyes out. You curl up in a ball on your bed and lay there staring at the ceiling, asking God why you’ve never been  good enough to be that one person to make them happy. You stand in the mirror and look yourself up and down and try to figure out what that other girl has that you don’t. You notice every single imperfection you have and constantly compare yourself to her perfect qualities. Everything’s on his terms. He does no wrong, no matter what it is that he does. But the moment you do something that he doesn’t like, you’re completely sickening.

Why do you stick around? Over time, people tell you that it gets better. People tell you that if you go out with your friends, you’ll forget all about him. He didn’t deserve you to begin with if he made you feel completely worthless. But the truth is, you still don’t want to believe them. You see all the good times, and the good lies he was so perfect at creating in the back of his head under pressure and hold onto that. You hold onto somebody while they’re busy holding onto someone else because you’re just that person. You’re that person that sees the little bit of good in everybody. But the truth is, while you’re seeing that good in another person, you’re breaking yourself down. That happy girl you used to be? Where is she now? You don’t even recognize yourself anymore when you look at yourself in the mirror because you don’t know who you’ve become. You don’t like who you’ve become. So why? Why are you putting yourself through this when he’s not even thinking about you?

You don’t have to. You’re perfect. You let a man make you feel worthless. So run. Run as fast as you can and get away from him. Don’t waste time on him like I did. You’re so much stronger and so much more beautiful than you’ll ever realize. You have the power to become any and everything you’ve ever wanted. Don’t ever let a man stop you from that, or make you feel like you’re not worth it. If you feel like you’re asking for too much, I promise you aren’t. If you cry more than you’re happy but are too scared to walk away, know that you deserve better. That man can’t even love himself. There’s no way he can love you. Pray for him, my God, pray for him. If he can make a strong woman like you feel worthless then he needs the prayers more than you know. Walk away. And don’t ever look back.

You’ve been friends with another girl for years. You feel like she’s someone that will never turn her back on you, so you tell her everything. You both make so many memories, laughing, crying, screaming. You both share so many secrets. She’s been the one you went to for everything, the good days, the heartbreaks. You call her crying, and she shows up at your doorstep an hour later. She’s your person for so long, you don’t know what you’d do without her. However, those good times start to fade and so does the friendship. You feel the conversations getting shorter and more distant. Suddenly, everything is a competition and what she does is just to hurt you. You win, and now that you’re the center of attention instead of her, she can’t stand it. She has to make new friends just to talk. Suddenly, she has a new best friend and their conversations consist of you as the main topic, with her listing all the secrets you once entrusted to her. The things she says about you hurt. That person begins to put themselves in bad situations. The drugs, alcohol, and late nights become more of a habit, and you don’t even recognize the girl you used to call your best friend. Where did she go? You’re all alone; where do you run? The truth is, as far as you can. That girl is not your friend, and truly, she never was. People find it so easy to hurt one another nowadays, and now the world we live in is full of hatred. The last thing you need is that from your “best friend.” You’re more than worth those things she says about you.

You work so hard in a class to only receive the worst grade you’ve ever had. You stay up night after night, hour after hour, studying for the test you’re about to take this week. You stay after every week to get extra help, doing everything you can to do your best. You do your homework every night, studying reviews so much you see what you’re doing in your sleep. The day of the test you’re constantly looking over the study guide every spare moment you get because you want that good grade. You do all of this just to be shot down when you get your test back. You tried your absolute very best, and the girl that’s sitting beside you didn’t even study for the test and received an A. She doesn’t care about her grades. She’s just naturally good at the subject so she doesn’t have to work at it at all. Not fair, huh? I understand. You give your all and get shot down by a number on a paper. You do your very best and it’s just not good enough. You’re stressed out because you don’t know what you’re going to do. What else can you do? Always remember, you’re worth more than a number.

The truth is, sometimes we try our best, and it’s just not good enough. Whether it be in something you do, or for another person, your best isn’t always as good as someone else’s. The number of times I’ve cried over these is so large I couldn’t even begin to start counting. I’ve been broken down. I’ve been at my weakest point in life. I’ve actually been there for a while now. People go through so many things they should never have to face. It’s hard not to break down. It’s so hard to understand why what’s happening in your life is happening to you. What did you do to deserve this? I know it’s hard. It took so long for me to understand that what I had planned wasn’t always God’s plan for me. It took me forever to realize that everything I wanted wasn’t always good for me. God takes away so many things from us because he has much bigger plans in store for us. I am a firm believer that God’s plan will always be better than mine. No matter what you’re going through, give everything you have to God. The good, the bad, the ugly, the glory. When it feels as if all cards are against you, and you want to do nothing but fall, give it all to Him. He knows what He’s doing with you. He has such a great plan for you, you don’t even see it. You might not understand now, but I promise you will. You are not alone, and you’re worth so much more than the opinions of another person, a number on a paper, or the way another person makes you feel. Believe me.